04: Mrs.Blues
Jesus Meets His Mother
Singing voice and acoustic guitar, 5:02 minutes of Vulnerability – Imperfections – Interruptions – Fragility – Belonging – Harrowing and Hope.
Last Friday I went to the church I go to in my neighborhood to pray the stations of the Cross. There was a dozen of us, the regulars of the Parish. That Friday, I stayed on my knees with my eyes closed practically all long.
The moment stuck with me is the one when Jesus Meets His Mother. I had a strange awareness of my femininity as if being a female allowed me to access something in this particular station. I could not describe it, as it was rather the way I felt deep inside. On that day, physically being a – she – permitted to experience what the opposite gender could not. Not for any ranks nor sense of superiority but purely because of the facts.
Imagining Jesus dying on The Cross, stripped of his clothes and humiliated tears my heart apart. How so, Mary His Mother must have lived it and be devasted by it ? Many are my questions and many could be my answers. Yet, as soon as they begin to come to my mind they just close themselves like doors for which the keys are not meant for. The doors are the mystery, the keys are my ego and my lack of faith, or perhaps the progressive fear in me facing what is about to come.
I am sad. I am sad and I am moved by the memory of the Sorrowful Passion of Christ. The Christ suffering comes across the eyes of His Mother… He – who is the King, the Highest, Her – who is Queen and Mother, there they meet. Like I wrote above, we are not asking questions but seeing. After all, is it not what has happened ? Did not Jesus meet His Mother, saying no words and soundless ? A look, an encounter whilst He is carrying the heavy Cross of our sins. Heavy is the Cross and She – Mary his Mother knows it. She knows it and She feels it. Nevertheless, I am like an actress amongst the parishioners, a spectator of the disastrous scene.
Yes. Meeting Mary. At this very precise moment, all is softened in me, relaxed, I am engulf by an emptiness. Everything disappears. Suddenly I beat, I become an entire heart. Fast vivid and harrowing heartbeats, the Heart of Mary… My right leg shakes. I feel pain but I have trust for I am dominated by a fulfilling emptiness. I feel that these heartbeats are those of the Mother for Her Son and my entire body is living it. Nothing else is happening but, boom boom, boom, boom, my heartbeats. Then, my whole body shakes while I bow. I cannot get up anymore. I do not want to be noticed but it does not matter much. Jesus will die and He Knows it. Jesus is suffering and Mary knows it. It is silent in me, immobile and docile. Then it all fades out and stops. He Has to continue, She Has to endure.
After being profoundly moved by what has happened, I put on my glasses and opened my eyes. I was back with my own heart though something had changed. My pains are now His, for the Glory of My Savior.
Before coming into the Church that Friday I did not know what was waiting for me and I did not think I had fears. After praying the station of Cross, I went in front of the statue of the Virgin Mary and I told her: «I am overwhelmed but I fear no more». She knew what would happen to Her Son, but higher and bigger is Love. She also knew she would suffer, for the Will of The Father must be accomplished. She knew it, and She loved Him. He knew it and He loved her.
– Maurane Gadeau (Mrs.Blues) March 2020, March 2021
